The emotional stages of deployment

I found these articles very interesting so I felt the need to post them.  I can pretty much pinpoint going thru all these emotions in the last 2 deployments...and thought maybe some of my army wife friends would find it interesting, and maybe help our civilian friends understand why we are so bitchy at times :-).  And then you have to take into account that we go thru these stages atleast 2x bc of their 2 wk R&R time.  We have to get used to them being back home, then have to say good-bye all over again.

7-Stage Model

1. Anticipation of Departure
Much like the "Re-Deployment" stage in the 5 Stage Cycle, in this stage, spouses may alternately feel denial and anticipation of loss. As reality sinks in, tempers may flare as couples attempt to take care of all the items on a Family pre-deployment checklist, while striving to make time for "memorable" moments. In the new emotional cycles of deployment, Stage 1 may begin again before a couple or Family has even had time to renegotiate a shared vision of who they are after the changes from the last deployment.

2. Detachment and Withdrawal
In this stage, service members become more and more psychologically prepared for deployment, focusing on the mission and their unit. Bonding with their fellow service members is essential to unit cohesion, but this may create emotional distance within the marriage. Sadness and anger occur as couples attempt to protect themselves from the hurt of separation. In the new emotional cycles of deployment, as this stage happens more often and more frequently, marital problems may escalate. When a husband or wife must repeatedly create emotional "distance", they may gradually shut down their emotions. It may seem easier to just feel "numb" rather than sad, but the lack of emotional connection to your spouse can lead to difficulties in a marriage.

3. Emotional Disorganization
With back to back deployments, one might think that this stage of adjusting to new responsibilities and being alone would get easier. Although a military spouse may be familiar with the routine, (s)he may also be experiencing "burn-out" and fatigue from the last deployment, and feel overwhelmed at starting this stage again.

4. Recovery and Stabilization
Here, spouses realize they are fundamentally resilient and able to cope with the deployment. They develop increased confidence and a positive outlook. With back to back deployments, however, spouses may find it hard to muster the emotional strength required, but many resources are available to provide needed support.

5. Anticipation of Return
This is generally a happy and hectic time spent preparing for the return of the service member. Spouses, children and parents of the service member need to talk about realistic plans and expectations for the return and reunion.

6. Return Adjustment and Renegotiation
Like "Post-Deployment" in the 5 Stage Cycle, couples and Families must reset their expectations and renegotiate their roles during this stage. The key to successful adjustment and renegotiation is open communication. Families also need to be prepared to deal with the effects of combat stress on the returning service member. Such stress and trauma can be difficult to deal with. Troops with combat stress are often irritable, guarded, and want to be alone. Some may use increased alcohol or drugs in a failed attempt to "numb" the emotional pain they are experiencing. Attempts at renegotiation may result in increasing marital arguments.

7. Reintegration and Stabilization
This stage can take up to 6 months as the couple and Family stabilize their relationships anew. As noted with Stage 6, the presence of combat stress can severely disrupt the stabilization process. Reintegration and stabilization can hit more roadblocks when a Family must make a Permanent Change of Station (PCS) move immediately upon the return of the service member. Back to back deployments create stress as Families stabilize only to begin Stage 1 once again.

*And here is a excerpt from the other model, the 5-stage model.  It's the current stage we are in right now, and I can assure you we are going thru a lot of this personally right now.  We don't fight, because we learned how bad that is after the 1st deployment.  But we're definitely going thru the emotional withdrawl!

Pre-deployment
The onset of this stage begins with the warning order for deployment. This stage ends when the Soldier actually departs from home station. The pre-deployment timeframe is extremely variable from several weeks to more than a year.

	Stage 1. Pre-deployment Anticipation of loss vs. denial Train-up/long hours away Getting affairs in order Mental/physical distance Arguments Time frame: variable

The pre-deployment stage is characterized alternately by denial and anticipation of loss. As the departure date gets closer, spouses often ask: "You don't really have to go, do you?" Eventually, the increased field training, preparation, and long hours away from home herald the extended separation that is to come. Soldiers energetically talk more and more about the upcoming mission and their unit. This "bonding" to fellow Soldiers is essential to unit cohesion that is necessary for a safe and successful deployment. Yet, it also creates an increasing sense of emotional and physical distance for military spouses.^5,7,8 In their frustration, many spouses complain: "I wish you were gone already." It is as if their loved ones are already "psychologically deployed." As the reality of the deployment finally sinks in, the Soldier and Family try to get their affairs in order. Long "honey-do" lists are generated dealing with all manner of issues including: home repairs, security (door and window locks, burglar alarms, etc.), car maintenance, finances, tax preparation, child care plans and wills, just to name a few. At the same time, many couples strive for increased intimacy. Plans are made for the "best" Christmas, the "perfect" vacation, or the "most" romantic anniversary. In contrast, there may be some ambivalence about sexual relations: "this is it for six months, but I do not want to be that close." Fears about fidelity or marital integrity are raised or may go unspoken. Other frequently voiced concerns may include: "How will the children handle the separation? Can I cope without him/her? Will my marriage survive?" In this very busy and tumultuous time, resolving all these issues, completing the multitude of tasks or fulfilling high expectations often falls short.
A common occurrence, just prior to deployment, is for Soldiers and their spouses to have a significant argument.^5,9 For couples with a long history, this argument is readily attributed to the ebb-and-flow of marital life and therefore not taken too seriously. For younger couples, especially those experiencing an extended separation for the first time, such an argument can take on "catastrophic" proportions. Fears that the relationship is over can lead to tremendous anxiety for both Soldier and spouse. In retrospect, these arguments are most likely caused by the stress of the pending separation. From a psychological perspective, it is easier to be angry than confront the pain and loss of saying goodbye for six months or more.^5,6
However, the impact of unresolved Family concerns can have potentially devastating consequences. From a command perspective, a worried, preoccupied Soldier is easily distracted and unable to focus on essential tasks during the critical movement of heavy military equipment. In the worst-case scenario, this can lead to a serious accident or the development of a Soldier stress casualty who is mission ineffective.^2,10,11 On the home front, significant spousal distress interferes with completing basic routines, concentrating at work, and attending to the needs of children. At worst, this can exacerbate children's fears that the parents are unable to adequately care for them or even that the Soldier will not return. Adverse reactions by children can include inconsolable crying, apathy, tantrums, and other regressive behaviors. In response, a downward spiral can develop - if not quickly checked - in which both Soldier and spouse become even more upset at the prospect of separating.
Although easier said than done, it is often helpful for military couples - in the pre-deployment stage - to discuss in detail their expectations of each other during the deployment. These expectations can include a variety of issues, to include: freedom to make independent decisions, contact with the opposite sex (fidelity), going out with friends, budgeting, child-rearing, and even how often letters or care packages will be sent. Failure to accurately communicate these and other expectations is frequently a source of misperception, distortion and hurt later on in the deployment. It is difficult at best to resolve major marital disagreements when face-to-face, let alone over six thousand miles apart.