Numbness

Got official word today of Tom's deployment day.  It's the day I was planning on, but it's still hard to swallow.  I had my good cry, which helped a little; made me a lil less emotional.  But now all I can feel is shock. I have a sort of numbness inside me; I just want to sit in a chair and do nothing, all the while feeling very restless inside.  I can't focus on anything, so reading is out of the question.  And the time is just slipping thru my fingers.  I will think 5 mins has gone by when it's really been 2 hours.  I'm not even sure if this blog is making sense bc I can't keep a thought in my head long enough to type it, but seem to have millions of thoughts going all at the same time.  I feel like I'm in a fog.  And all I have to look forward to is an even more intense version of this the day he leaves...in a week (give or a take a day).  Tomorrow I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up and not even remember today...maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.

Now I have to vent:  Apparently they put out the word Friday of the date they are leaving.  Tom was with me at Em's surgery, and no one had the courtesy to call him to let him know.  Now,  I understand some of you might be thinking they were waiting to tell him bc he had enough on his plate, but I assure you that's most likely not the case.  What pisses me off even more is that his NCO even called that day to ask how the surgery went, no word of deployment.  Then he called again today to let Tom know the schedule for tomorrow, still not a word of it.  Finally right before hanging up Tom asked his NCO if they had mentioned any days and it was revealed "oh yeah we put that out Friday, you're leaving on (insert date here)".  I'm paraphrasing here of course, but its just disrespectful to me for them to be so nonchalant about the whole thing...like it doesn't really matter if we know when he's leaving or not.  I can assure you whether their families care or not about their husbands departure to a combat zone for a year, it DOES matter to me!  And if you're wondering why I haven't mentioned the date yet it's because of OPSEC and we aren't supposed to mention flight dates and times for everyone's safety.  Let's just say this though, Tom won't be here for February.